Scyldings in the Mead-Hall recently left a comment on Fr. Stephen’s blog that well describes my own meandering spiritual life:
Sometimes it really scares me. The thought that I’m getting taken up into an ‘enthusiasm’, a new craze, and that not being taken up into Christ. A new, or even, an older, more authentic Christianity. But like all enthusiasms, it can just fade away – and then all the posturing, debating and “witnessing to the truth” can look rather silly. I’ve become self-skeptical, and sometimes find it difficult to express myself – because I doubt myself. Sometimes it is almost amusing.
I think this is one reason the Orthodox convert blog business is apparently booming. It’s hard to talk to friends and family who have no curiousity about church history and most cradle Orthodox just think you’re nuts!
Throughout the day I tend to ruminate about my spiritual life and frequently by the afternoon I’m weak and ready to chuck it all, convincing myself that I’m a coward and will never have the guts to leave my comfort zone. Then I come home, turn on the computer, and bam! I’m back in business, checking my ever increasing Orthodox blog list, listening to Ancient Faith Radio, and making plans to fast the next day.
“Convertitis” is scary!
We all ask the question at some time: “Am I crazy for getting into all of this:” But the truth is –that to go back would be to enter into all that fragmentation again. It would be the world of 30,000 interpretations of the scriptures. Now that is real confusing and I don’t ever wish to return to it. I’m thankful that you end up each day listening to Ancient Faith radio and checking out Orthodox blogs. Father Stephen is a good one. He is very sound.
I think the real reason convertitis is scary is because it’s embarrassing. Looking over my shoulder I surely can see that!
Of course, on a more serious note there is that matter of doing real damage to someone else’s faith in the process–now that is a reason to be scared!
In my experience convertitis is unavoidable. I don’t know one convert who hasn’t exhibited symptoms at one time or another. I think we do well to heed warnings about it though and that may help minimize any negative impact.
I remember thinking the same thoughts…is this [Orthodoxy] just another of a long list of things I have tried to in my search for authentic Christianity? Is it another whim or the genuine article? I know my husband and my friends think “there she goes again”. So far, however, I can say this is NOTHING like anything I have sought before. I believe I have unearthed that Pearl of Great Price, I believe I have found real deal and my days of hopping from one thing to another are over.
Time will tell, of course…at least that is what it will take to convince my husband and friends that I am serious this time, but I don’t have a single anxiety about where I landed–it has been everything I was looking for–and more. It surely is that Pearl of Great Price.
I can only echo the comments of nichole and dixie. I’ve certainly had my share of enthusiasms in life. But since I have lived in the same neighborhood for almost 31 years, have been married for almost 26 years, and remained in the same congregation for 25 years, maybe I’m not totally flighty. My transition to Orthodoxy has had some rough moments, and consequences. But there is no anxiety, regret or doubt. Dixie is absolutely correct–it is the Pearl of Great Price.
Hi
Thanks for this post…I am glad to have discovered your blog. I too am just starting on this strange journey and often wonder what I am doing, doubt what is inspiring me to do this, and am not at all sure where to turn with these wonderings! It is interesting to discover a world of people who are going through a similar process, as I know very few people in my city who have done this.
Thanks too for your post on questions on Mary, the responses have helped me greatly!
As PCA “covenant child” on the road to Orthodoxy, I can say I feel the same thing. I don’t want to convert on a whim or as a fad or a bout of “enthusiasm,” but at the same time, I am increasingly convinced that Orthodox is The Church…