The level of thought and discussion in the Orthodox convert blog world is high and I discover incredible new journals daily. I’ve never encountered so many intriguing people! You are poets, humorists, hard-core readers, and all people who are dead serious about the ancient faith of Christianity.
My blog has been up less than a week and I’m just blown away by all the kind, loving and insightful comments and emails. But as exciting as it’s been to sit down in front of the computer lately, it occurs to me that there could be a downside to sharing all my feelings ala Oprah style.
My biggest criticism of evangelical practice is rampant Me-ism. I self-righteously sneer at them, but I must confess that I’ve been consumed this week with ME, and specifically my blog! I’ve been sober for 13 years and I definitely recognize some self absorbtion with a tendecy toward addiction in all this.
I just read something on “Notes From a Common Place Book” that nails it for me:
There is something of a cottage industry among Protestant converts to Orthodoxy. For some reason, we all feel compelled to share our particular “conversion story.” This is understandable, human nature being what it is. In all probability, however, our time would be better spent remaining quiet, and learning how to actually be Orthodox, rather than pontificating on how we had “figured it all out.
I don’t offer this as a criticism of others because you have all inspired me and I’m sure many others who never comment or start their own blogs. But this quote is a good warning for me. At least I think I should strive to pray one-tenth of the amount time I blog!
You are wise if you recognize this early. Part of the disease of “convertitis from evangelicalism” seems to be a need to “share”. I think a decent “narcissism guage” is how often you check out your “stats”
In some ways the blogosphere is the new “street corner” to broadcast our faith in the 21st century. Be careful how you use it and watch out how and what it feeds your soul.
I never shot up heroin but I think the “stats” could be almost as bad!
I’m going to turn the computer off now – really!!!
I wrote those lines mainly as a warning to myself. And believe me, I need it! Looking back on my many years as a Protestant, it is amazing to realize just how much of it had to do with my own thinking about things. Our bible studies and classes were full of people like myself, eager to express our opinions. Our contributions began with “Well, I think…” And therein lay, of course, the source of most all our problems. That is a hard habit to break. Someone (I can’t remember who at the moment) has referred to this as the tyranny of our own opinions.
So, I have to watch myself. I don’t mind commenting, in a general way, on news items of a religious nature, or on the status of Orthodoxy, here and elsewhere, or to recommend links to articles of Orthodox interest (such as yours), or to post quotations from the Fathers, but beyond that, I tend to back off a bit.
This may sound strange, but I really think there is a more pressing need to hear from those, such as yourself, who are honestly investigating Orthodoxy, than from those of us who have already crossed over, so to speak.
Anyway, IMHO, your blog has just the right tone. I wouldn’t change a thing!
S-p’s comment is so right on! I started blogging last year, and even while I began, I felt convicted that it seemed a bit self-indulgent.
Even though it might be human nature to share instead of be quiet, for me it was more a matter of finding a great treasure hidden in a field – how could I be quiet about that? It may have been more selfish to say nothing. At the same time, discovering Orthodoxy is a mind-blowing experience – it is like getting saved all over again. Therefore, it is nearly impossible not to share.
For me, it really wasn’t about “figuring it all out” as much as it was God blind-siding me with it. It was like it came out of nowhere, and then I couldn’t shake it, and then I finally couldn’t rest until I went all the way with it.
It sort of reminds me of the way the people in “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” were all irrationally drawn to the same place. In the same way, I had to know the Christianity that had been preserved from the beginning regardless of what friends and family thought. And, I am still hoping and praying they catch a glimpse, a taste or even just a crumb from the Master’s table. I believe once they have truly tasted, they too will not be able to hold back.
Based on your comments in this blog, I think you have tasted it, and I don’t believe you will be able to feel settled until you too have gone all the way with it. You will wrestle and wrangle with it, and you may even feel absolutely offended by my comment, but I truly mean no offense at all. It is just that once the Lord has set you on the journey, He will affirm it in many ways, and you will simply find it impossible not to convert.
God’s peace – Nicodemus
Good observations, friend. Many a post have I taken down an hour later, realizing it was simply too “testimony meeting.” Father Stephen had a post about the secret places in our hearts and how we shouldn’t invite other people into them because they are meant as a temple for God. Someone commented there that publicly sharing deep spiritual experiences, which are revelations of a sort, has the power to “dilute” them and I do think that is true.
I agree with the others that your blog is quite refreshing. It doesn’t matter how many times another person discovers the path to truth…that person, like all the others, needs to put his hands in the the hands of those before and behind and become part of the tradition. That mostly means going to church and experiencing worship…but it also means talking, I’m sure. Too bad we aren’t in that fabled Orthodox village and could all go to church together every day and talk on the way back instead of typing on the computer.
Addictive, yes…Like you I’m making a conscious choice right now to turn the computer off and, in my case, wash some dishes!
God bless.
I remember how when I first came to be a part of an Orthodox Community after doing almost a year of constant reading and studying how several people told me that it was time to put down the books and absorb myself in the worship of the church. This was wonderful advice! I had intellectualized everything and now needed to be an observer and worshiper. However, people who are inquiring and who for various reasons can’t attend a church I think it is important to read as much as they can and research as much as they can about the Church because this is a special time when we are given the gift of time. Often, in my experiences, after one becomes chrismated it seems like there is never the time to study the Faith.
And how true it is to become addicted to blogging and to constantly checking stats. But hopefully, that will die down. And you’re right you need to make the effort not to read about the Faith, you need to experience it. For you right now, that experience will have to come from the prayers of the church if you are not able to attend an Orthodox Church. -Vera
Forgive me, you ignored my last comment, so I am going to give it another try. I, as a convert, am being urged by Protestants to tell my conversion story to Orthodoxy. I am not a Protestant convert. I was not a Christian before I was Orthodox. It seems to me that the Orthodox have a problem with assertive communication I have noticed, in a big, fat, way. That goes against how I was educated.
While a kind of narcissism might be a problem, I’m extremely glad that this blog and others are out there. These things help engender a sense of solidarity, you recognize your own experiences in what others say and it helps to confirm what you have gone through and what you are beginning to know you’ll be going through. I find this immensely helpful, especially in an environment where I have to explain so much to skeptical family and friends.
And yes, an Orthodox village in which we could all talk would be wonderful. But I do appreciate the fact that the Internet has opened up a very nonthreatening way to explore the faith for introverts and others who might have taken months or years longer to ask the questions on their hearts face to face with someone else.
There is a time to offer words, and I think in this era of burgeoning American Orthodoxy, it is, generally speaking, a good time to be blogging.
Yep, I can relate, brother. I had the same feelings of self-indulgence and grandiose thinking when I started my blog. I’ve made a commitment to myself to not post anything that I don’t just enjoy writing. There’s still a temptation to to want to start a great conversation on my blog, but I don’t check my stats (haven’t investigated how to do that yet!) and I try to fight the feeling of wanting to check in to see of my comments have been commented on. I also try not to write about everything I’m excited about learning. One reason is that I have plenty of other things to keep me busy like 2 boys under 3. The other reason is because I really know so little. And I’m also trying to figure out and practice what AR referred to regarding Fr Stephen’s post about secrets.
All that said, I’m glad I know even just a little about all the folks I’ve met on this journey via the internet, you included.
May God grant you wisdom and discernment.